Edge of Desire
by bigtimefiction
Summary: Logan's new girlfriend makes Kendall uneasy.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I tried to stay as true to form as possible. A few things were changed around for artistic purposes, such as in this story the boys all live together in a house in L.A. Makes things easier for my story. Enjoy :)

A head full of spiky dark hair popped into the doorway of the dressing room that the boys of Big Time Rush shared. "Kendall?" he called out, only it came out sounding more like Kindle , thanks to the slight Texas accent that came out every now and then.

The slim blonde walked out of the bathroom, adjusting the gray beanie he wore on his head and shaking his bangs so that they fell perfectly into place over his forehead. "What's up Logan?"

Logan pulled his iPod out of his pocket and thrust it toward his friend. "You gotta hear this. John Mayer's new CD Battle Studies? It's sick, I'm telling you."

Kendall reached out to accept the music player, scrolling through the song titles. "Thanks man. I'll check this out." He said with a nod. He flopped onto the tan, overstuffed armchair, letting his long legs hang over the side as he popped the headphones into his ears.

Logan crossed the room to the wardrobe rack, looking through it for something to wear for the show that night. His phone started to vibrate in his pocket and he reached in to pull it out, pressing a button to read the incoming text message. A crooked grin spread over his face and he quickly typed a response back and shoved the phone back into his pocket.

Kendall looked up, pressing the pause button on the iPod. "Is it Tiffani?" He rolled his eyes playfully when he said her name. It wasn't that he didn't like Logan's new girlfriend, he just felt that there was something a little off about her that he just couldn't place. To hide his uneasiness about her he simply teased Logan relentlessly.

"For your information yes it is." Logan spun on his heel, a smug look on his face. "She's coming to the show tonight and then I'm taking her out." Kendall made a face at him and Logan frowned. "What is your problem with Tiffani?"

Kendall extended his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. "I don't have a problem with her!"

"Clearly you do! Every time I talk about her you look at me like that." He pointed at Kendall, who abruptly wiped the look off his face.

Kendall sighed, shaking his head and taking the headphones out of his ears, handing the iPod back to Logan. "It s just...I don't know. I've only met her a couple of times, but I get this weird vibe from her. "

Logan took the iPod and neatly wrapped the headphones cord around the device, eyeing Kendall intently. His eyes narrowed a bit. "You're jealous." He declared finally with a nod of his head.

"Jealous?" Kendall sputtered, rising to his feet. "Jealous of WHAT?"

"Well, when's the last time YOU had a girlfriend?" Logan pointed out. "Maybe you're jealous because I have someone and you don't. Or maybe you're jealous because I'm spending all my free time with her and not with you anymore."

Kendall couldn't believe how Logan was acting. He snickered and looked away, shaking his head. "I don't believe you man. I really don't. I'm not jealous of your girlfriend, alright? I'm trying to look out for you."

Logan sighed a little, the tension in his shoulders easing a little. "I know, man. We're cool." He extended a hand to his best friend. It took Kendall a minute but then he smiled, reaching out and putting his hand in Logan's. Logan reached out and pulled his friend tightly into a hug and then both men broke free to finish getting ready for the night's show. Kendall tried to shake it off but couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling in his stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

Kendall knew he shouldn't wait up for Logan but as hard as he tried to fall asleep he couldn't, even though his body was tired from the night s show. He finally admitted defeat and turned the lamp on, sitting up in bed and reaching for the remote. He stole a glance at the clock. 3 AM and still no sign of Logan, even though they had an 8 AM flight. He was being kind of ridiculous, he knew. Logan was an adult and if he wanted to stay out late with his girlfriend and get no sleep that was his choice. He didn't understand himself. Sure, Kendall was sort of the unofficial leader of Big Time Rush. But he didn't typically take on this overprotective role and worry about everyone so what the hell was going on? He was frowning and staring blankly at the TV when the door creaked open and Logan tiptoed into the room, pausing when he saw that he wasn't in danger of waking up his friend.

"Oh. Hey, you're up late. We have an 8 AM flight." Logan closed the door behind him, threw off his jacket and sank onto the edge of the empty bed to take off his shoes.

"Yeah, I know. I couldn't sleep." Kendall said simply, switching off the TV. "How was your date?"

To his surprise Logan shrugged and tossed his shoes into his open suitcase. "You know, it was kinda weird." He admitted. "We haven't been dating that long and she was acting sorta possessive tonight. Weirded me out."

Kendall resisted the urge to make a comment. He raised an eyebrow. "Possessive how?"

Logan tugged his collared shirt over his head and tossed that into his suitcase too before reaching for a plain white t-shirt and pulling it over his head, stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed. "We were going into the restaurant and this girl smiled at me Tiffani grabbed my arm and literally dragged me away. I don t know. It doesn't sound like much but it was strange."

Kendall was silent, not really sure how to react to what Logan was saying. It did nothing to disprove his theory that something was off about Tiffani. If anything it only made him even more sure of it. But at the same time he knew that Logan needed to see it for himself. He couldn't get involved anymore. "Are you seeing her again soon?" he asked finally, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"I'm not sure." Logan said after a moment's pause. "I like her. I'm not sure that tonight was enough to make me want to stop seeing her, but I can't stop thinking about the way she looked at that girl who smiled at me. It's kinda hot when chicks get jealous but this was downright creepy."

"You should talk to her." Kendall set the remote control down on the nightstand and rolled to his side so he was facing Logan. "Make sure she can handle the fact that pretty much wherever you go you're going to be recognized and there's probably going to be a girl who wants you. If she s insecure it's just going to cause problems."

"You know, you're right. I'm gonna have to talk to her." Logan flopped backward onto his pillow, arms resting under his head. "She said she was coming out to at least another tour date this week. I'll talk to her about it then." He lifted his head a little and gave Kendall a smile. "Thanks."

Kendall returned the smile and shrugged a little, reaching up to turn the lamp off. "Night Logan."

* * *

><p>"For the last time Carlos, no." Logan closed his eyes and took in a deep breath as if he were talking to a small child and needed to take a minute to regain his patience. "You may not borrow my new shirt. It was expensive and you'll probably just spill something on it." He yanked the shirt away that Carlos had been admiring, ignoring the hurt look on his friend's face.<p>

"Jeez, what is your problem?" James snapped from across the room where he was reading a magazine.

"It's fine, James." Carlos said quietly, rising to his feet and silently straightening up the room, organizing magazines into neat piles and collecting the empty water bottles and soda cans that his friends had left on the table.

"No, it's not." James leaned forward and tossed the magazine onto the table, much to Carlos dismay. He quickly grabbed the magazine and placed it neatly on top of the stack. "You've had a huge stick up your ass lately and I don't know why, but you're not going to treat Carlos like he s a misbehaving 5 year old."

Logan glared at James, but at the same time he knew he was right. He couldn't explain why he'd been so moody lately but he had noticed himself snapping at his friends more than usual. "Carlos," he said gently. 'I'm sorry for being a jerk."

"It's okay Logan." Carlos said quickly, a smile already lighting up his face. He hated fighting with his friends and forgave easily. In his eyes it was already forgotten. He tossed the trash in the garbage can and turned back to Logan, his eyes hopeful. "So can I borrow your shirt now?"

Logan laughed and rose to his feet, clapping his shorter friend on the shoulder. "Nope, you still can't."

"Oh Looooogannnn," A voice rang out. All four guys looked up to see a curvy young woman with jet black hair walk into the room. Logan quickly went to greet her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips as the other guys greeted her half-heartedly." Hi Tiffani," they all mumbled practically in unison.  
>Hello boys. If she noticed their reluctance to greet her, she didn't show it. She flashed a smile and a quick wave before pulling Logan away and into another room.<p>

"I don't know what it is, I just don't like that girl," Kendall leaned in and whispered to James and Carlos.

Carlos frowned and sat down on the arm of the couch opposite Kendall. "Why?" he asked him. "She seems okay."

"Ever since Logan has been with her, he's been different," James spoke up, looking at Kendall. "He's kind of bitchy."

"He has been a little bitchy," Carlos agreed with a nod.

"I tried to tell him that something about Tiffani just doesn't feel right to me." Kendall frowned.

James looked out into the doorway, trying to catch a glimpse of Logan and Tiffani. "Something about her sure feels right to Logan," he chuckled. "Or else he wouldn't be whipped." He made a whipping gesture, complete with sound effects.

"Logan is not whipped!" Kendall exclaimed defensively. "He doesn't get like that with girls. It's the other way around."

"Until now," Carlos piped in, pointing to the doorway. Logan's lovesick expression was pretty clear as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Tiffani s lips, a huge goofy smile on his face.

Kendall turned back to his friends, his face full of alarm. "We have GOT to stage an intervention."

"Kendall." James laid a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "I know it's weird to see Logan falling all over a girl, and I know we're uneasy about her. But if Logan is so crazy about her she can't be that bad right?"

Kendall looked from James to Carlos, then out the door at Logan. He sighed, then nodded. "You're right. We just have to give her a chance. Logan's smart enough to look out for himself."

Carlos smiled at Kendall and clapped him on the back, then got up and disappeared down the hall. Kendall stared after Logan a moment or two longer then shook his head and reached for his iPod. He needed to stop overreacting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: When I upload the finished chapter, for some reason screws up all my formatting! I apologize if all my chapters are a big mess, I'm going to go back and fix them. Sorry!**

About a week later the boys of Big Time Rush were back on the set of their TV show, filming for the upcoming season. Kendall sat around in the dressing room, still in the hockey jersey he would be wearing in the episode they were shooting that day. There was plenty of downtime, so he played his guitar as he listened to his iPod, picking out the chords of the song and humming along.

"Kendall. Kendall. KENDALL. KENDALL!" Quickly he set the guitar down and pressed pause on the iPod, looking up.

There stood Logan, smiling innocently as if he hadn't just been yelling to get his friend's attention. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

Kendall raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Really?' and gave him a look. "I was listening to that John Mayer CD you told me about. There's this one really hot song on it."

"Edge of Desire?" Logan asked excitedly.

Kendall grinned and nodded. "Yeah! I can't get it out of my head." He gestured to his guitar. "I was sort of figuring out how to play it."

"I know, I saw. And it got me thinking we have like, three hours of downtime. Why don't we make one of those YouTube videos and post it on your channel? We could sing it."

"Sing it like a duet?" Kendall asked slowly. "I guess we could make that work, yeah." He plucked at his guitar strings for another minute before nodding confidently and rising to his feet. "Let's do it." They talked about it, deciding who would sing what. Once they felt they were ready they turned on the camera.

After a brief interruption from Carlos involving a Jamba Juice, the two started their duet. Kendall stood in the background playing the guitar, allowing Logan to take front and center, though he took the first verse.

When Logan's verse began he couldn't help but smile to himself. His friend sounded amazing, not that it was any surprise to Kendall. It was like the song was made for him to sing it. Kendall watched him and realized he was seeing a rare side of Logan. He looked so tiny in his oversized blue t-shirt and almost vulnerable as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders slightly hunched as he sang. Then just like that, it disappeared. He watched as Logan leaned into the camera and hammed it up, smiling that crooked smile of his that made the girls go wild. There was that confidence, that charisma.

Kendall was shocked at the strange feeling that coursed through him almost like butterflies in his stomach. What the hell? What was wrong with him? Kendall shook it off. Maybe he just needed to eat or something it had been awhile since breakfast. Logan looked back at him briefly and Kendall couldn't even muster up a smile. He was sure he looked as uncomfortable as he felt.

He waited as the verse ended and then started to sing as it came back to the chorus, realizing to his own surprise that he was suddenly singing the words as if he really felt them. He didn't know what to make of that, but they were sounding so good together that he just pushed it out of his mind, a huge smile on his face. The song ended, he strummed the last note on the guitar and then the two bid farewell to the viewers, turning the camera off.

"That was great!" Carlos exclaimed from the couch before either Logan or Kendall could say anything. Kendall turned toward Logan and nodded in agreement, suddenly feeling shy. It was stupid to feel that way in front of his best friend and he was annoyed with himself for it. Logan leaned in to give him a congratulatory hug but Kendall pulled away from his grasp, tossing his guitar down next to Carlos on the couch and mumbling a lame excuse before leaving the room.

The smile on Logan's face froze and then turned to a frown as he looked to Carlos. "What's his problem?"

Carlos shrugged, palms upturned. "He looked a little weird. Like maybe he was about to throw up."

Logan made a face, arms folding over his chest. "I hope he's not sick. I don't want to catch anything, I have a hot date tonight."

Carlos face brightened. "Oooh, with Tiffani? Where are you guys going?"

"She wants to go to some fancy new place that just opened. It was practically impossible to get reservations but I pulled some strings," Logan bragged proudly.

"Well, have a good time. Are you gonna wear that new shirt? The one you won't let me borrow?" Carlos teased, rising to his feet.

Logan laughed a little. "Yeah actually I think I will wear that one. I'll catch you later." Logan disappeared out of the room and Carlos went to look for Kendall. He checked the bathroom first in case his friend was indeed throwing up. He found him in the cafeteria, wolfing down some food.

Kendall looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Guess I get cranky when I don't eat." He motioned to the sandwich he was consuming like his life depended on it.

Carlos looked relieved to see that his friend wasn't sick. "I thought you were gonna puke on Logan or something. He was all worried about getting sick because he has a big date tonight." Carlos could almost swear he saw Kendall's jaw twitch at the mention of the date.

"Oh does he?" Kendall asked casually, tossing the rest of the sandwich back onto the plate. "That's good."

"Kendall." Carlos said his name as if he were Kendall's mother, reprimanding him. "Remember what James said. Be nice!"

"What! I'm nice. I'm always nice." Kendall said pointedly.

Carlos made a little snorting sound, absently gathering up Kendall's trash and transporting it to the garbage can.  
>"Okay fine. Almost always." Kendall said quickly, flashing a grin at Carlos. He patted his friend's shoulder. "I'll catch you in a little bit, okay? I m gonna take a nap before we get back on the set."<p>

Carlos nodded. "Catch you later man." He watched Kendall throw out the remainder of the sandwich and narrowed his eyes a bit. Something was up with Kendall.

* * *

><p>"CARLOS!" Logan's angry yell could be heard throughout the house the four guys shared together. Carlos and James were downstairs in the living room watching TV and Kendall was up in his bedroom, playing guitar. He paused, hearing the yell, but decided it didn't concern him and went back to what he was doing.<p>

Logan came storming down the stairs, expensive new shirt in hand. He walked up to the couch Carlos was sitting on and shook the shirt in his face, eyebrows drawn downward. Yeah, he was angry. Carlos looked up at him in confusion. The new shirt had a big hole in the left underarm, the sleeve was hanging on by a thread. In addition a big circular stain that looked suspiciously like pizza sauce covered the front of the shirt. "I TOLD you not to borrow it Carlos!" Logan exclaimed.

Carlos shook his head frantically. "I didn't! I haven't worn your shirt Logan."

"Now you're going to lie to me?" Logan asked incredulously, holding the shirt up in the air with a disgusted look on his face. "What are you going to tell me, the clothing fairy did this? Thank you. Thanks a lot." He threw the shirt on the carpet and stormed back upstairs.

Carlos turned to James, who had been just sitting wordlessly, taking the entire scene in.

"I didn't wear his shirt," James said finally. "And Kendall wouldn't be caught dead in it. So who did?"

"Not me!" Carlos said quickly. "I wouldn't do something like that."

"But someone did, Carlos." James said calmly.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Carlos asked in surprise, sitting up very straight in his spot on the couch.

"No! No. If you say you didn't take his shirt then I believe you." James smiled slightly at Carlos. "But there is definitely something weird going on here."


	4. Chapter 4

It took a little while for the house to settle down after Logan's outburst. But once he finally left for his date with Tiffani everything quieted down and Kendall was left alone with his thoughts. He reached out and turned his laptop on, quickly going to YouTube and pulling up the video he and Logan had made. He lay back against his pillows, resting the laptop on his stomach and watched silently.

_'Don't say a word _

_Just come over and lie here with me _

_'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see_

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe _

_There I just said it _

_I'm scared you'll forget about me'_

As the video ended Kendall sucked in a shaky breath. There was a reason the words of the song resonated with him. There was no denying it, he knew. He was in love with Logan.

Hours later Kendall woke from his sleep, hunger gnawing at his stomach. He'd fallen asleep pretty early, laptop still open and resting on his stomach. Sleepily he shut it down and set it aside, crawling out of bed and heading down to the kitchen. He caught a glimpse of the time on the clock radio in the kitchen just 2 AM. He really had fallen asleep early. As he was making himself a big bowl of cereal he heard the front door open and went to investigate, bowl in hand.

"Oh, hey Kendall!" Logan said cheerfully, taking off his favorite leather jacket and draping it over an armchair. He looked so happy, and though that should have made Kendall happy too it only made him lose his appetite.

He set the bowl down on the coffee table, sliding it to the opposite end. "Did you have a good time?"

Logan couldn't have smiled any harder." The best! I took her to that new Asian fusion place and then we went dancing. I think I really like her." He sat down on the arm of the chair, looking to Kendall expectantly, almost as if he were waiting for his friend s approval.

If that's what he wanted, Kendall couldn't give it. He turned away, swallowing hard. "I'm happy for you, buddy." he said simply.

Logan watched him, well aware of the fact that Kendall was avoiding facing him. "Like hell you are."

"I am! What do you want me to do, throw you two an engagement party?" Kendall snapped, turning back to him.

Logan was taken by surprise. Kendall was generally a pretty happy guy, and he certainly didn't snap at his friends as much as Kendall had been snapping at him lately. He shook his head. "You are just being weird lately." He said quietly, rising to his feet and starting for the stairs.

Kendall sighed and took his bowl to the sink, dumping the nearly full bowl into the garbage disposal and going back upstairs. He groaned inwardly when he saw Logan lingering there on the landing.

"Kindle-"

"It's KENDALL." He said through clenched teeth. "How long do we have to be friends before you learn to say 'Kendall' properly?" He ignored the ache in his chest that he felt, caused by being so mean to his best friend. The truth was every time he heard that soft voice call him Kindle those butterflies in his stomach came back.

"SORRY." Logan shot back, but he didn't sound sorry at all. "You're an asshole." He muttered, disappearing into his bedroom and letting the door slam behind him.

Kendall was right behind him, storming off into his own room, though he didn't slam the door out of respect for James and Carlos. He hated how he was acting. He knew he was driving a wedge between himself and Logan, but he didn't know any other way. He hated himself for the feelings he was having for his best friend and thought that maybe if he could just distance himself for a while he could make it go away.

Logan was slumped over the computer desk in the living room, his laptop open. He scrolled unceremoniously through the comments he and Kendall had received on their video, smiling at the positive ones and scowling at some of the not-so-nice ones.

He heard the sound of bare feet padding down the stairs and looked up, glancing away when he saw Kendall coming down the stairs. There was a brief pause, and then Kendall was there beside his chair. "What are you doing?" he asked casually, as if nothing had happened the night before.

Logan pointed to the screen. Just reading the comments from Edge of Desire . He dared to glance up at his friend. People seem to really like it for the most part. And we sound kinda good together. He grinned crookedly and to his relief Kendall returned the grin.

"We do, don't we? Maybe we should be in a band together," Kendall teased.

Logan laughed and closed the YouTube tab, standing and brushing a hand through Kendall s messy hair. "That's a good look for you man. I like it."

Kendall could feel the heat creeping up to his cheeks. He inhaled slowly and quickly took a step back, away from Logan. "So, um you wanna catch a movie or something tonight?"

Logan shook his head regretfully. "No can do. I'm seeing Tiffani tonight."

At the mention of her name, Logan's expression changed back to that lovesick look he seemed to have lately at just the mention of her name. It was all Kendall could do not to roll his eyes.

"Alright, but let's do something soon okay?"

"You got it," Logan promised, turning back to the computer screen. A snort left his lips, and Kendall came closer to see what he was looking at. "I Google us sometimes when I'm bored. And look at this, check this out." He turned the screen toward Kendall, laughing. "People actually write about us you know, together. Apparently we're called Kogan . How sick is that?" he shook his head in disbelief, still laughing. "James and Carlos are called Jarlos . Do these people not have anything better to do? Seriously." He read silently to himself, lips moving. All the while Kendall's stomach churned uncomfortably.

"Dude, dude. Look at this." Logan motioned to the screen. "When I stand next to you and Carlos stands near James? They call that boyfriend formation."

"Boyfriend formation." Kendall repeated, though it came out as more of a mumble. That people wrote this stuff was new to him, that there were actual names for them was even more surprising. But what bothered him was the way Logan was reacting to it as if the idea was disgusting. "Come on Logan, who cares? Get rid of that stuff." He waved a hand toward the screen and walked away.

Logan seemed almost mesmerized by what he was reading. He must have come to a particularly smutty part because his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Quickly he stood, closing the laptop and shuddering. "I have to go disinfect my eyeballs." He groaned, heading upstairs.

Kendall sighed and sank onto the couch. What had he expected, really? For Logan to be intrigued by the idea of the two of them together? Turned on, even? Logan was clearly into women. And even if he wasn't, would he really be into someone like Kendall? He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror hanging over the mantel. He was decent enough looking, he supposed. People often complimented his green eyes, and his smile, complete with dimples. He had a strong, defined jawline and his sandy blonde hair looked nice enough when it was clean and brushed. His nose was something he could live without but he didn't think he was hideous. Maybe Logan did though.

Carlos interrupted his thoughts, coming in from the kitchen with a big bowl of ice cream in hand. "Oh hey Kendall. I m glad you're here actually."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "You are?"

"Yeah." Carlos sank down onto the couch next to him, eating a spoonful of the ice cream. "I wanted to talk to you.: He glanced around, making sure no one else was within earshot. "Are you... you know, is everything okay?" His forehead was wrinkled with concern and it really touched Kendall to know his friend cared so much.

"I'm fine," he assured him, pausing briefly. "Am I really being that weird that you need to ask that?"

"You're being extremely weird," Carlos admitted, leaning back into the couch. "Do you...do you have a thing for Tiffani?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. "I won't tell anyone, you know that."

Kendall laughed in relief that Carlos hadn't guessed what was really going on with him. "What? No way. I told you, for some reason I just don't like her."

Carlos stared at Kendall for so long that it made the blonde uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat.

"You like Logan." Carlos said slowly.

"Carlos." Kendall looked away. "That's ridiculous."

"Maybe. But it s the truth and don't try to tell me it's not." Carlos voice was gentle and unaccusing. Kendall knew he wouldn't judge him or treat him any differently. But he wasn't sure he was ready to make such a huge admission. So he didn't answer. He didn't need to. Carlos rested a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to speak quietly to him. "Your secret is safe with me, bro." He patted him lightly and got up, leaving Kendall alone with his thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

He didn't see Logan before his date that night. He, James and Carlos ended up going out to dinner and a movie together. Carlos had seemed to know that Kendall needed a distraction and he was grateful for that. They lingered over dinner, chatting and even staying for dessert before heading off to the movie. It was a late showing, and a long movie at that so the three didn't get home until sometime after 1 AM. None of them were surprised when they didn't see Logan s car in the driveway. At least someone's getting some, James murmured as his long legs exited the car.

Carlos laughed, then snuck a hesitant look at Kendall who seemed to be off in his own world. Wordlessly Carlos came up and rested a hand on Kendall s back as the three went into the house together.

"Goodnight you guys", James called out, making his way up the stairs as Carlos and Kendall shrugged off their jackets and kicked off their shoes. Both guys nodded in acknowledgement and were silent until they could hear the sound of his door close.

"Thanks for... you know, tonight." Kendall said to Carlos, a corner of his lips turning up into a smile. "It was nice to get out and do something and not sit here just being disgusted with myself."

Carlos rested a hand on Kendall's shoulder and looked him in the eye, though he had to look up at him to do so. "You shouldn't feel that way. It's perfectly natural and -"

Kendall motioned for him to stop. "I-I don t really want to talk about it. I know you re trying to help me and I really do appreciate that, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just still can't wrap my head around this and I need some time before I'm ready to talk about it."

"I understand," Carlos said quickly, smiling reassuringly to let his friend know that it was okay. "But when you re ready, I'm here. Got it?"

"Got it." Kendall could't help but reach out and hug Carlos, so grateful for him at that moment. "I'm gonna go to bed. My alarm's been acting weird so make sure I'm up in time to go to set, alright?"

"Sure thing." Carlos hugged him back tightly before letting go. "Night man."

"'Night Carlos." Kendall went upstairs to bed, where he lay awake for hours, mind racing.

The house was quiet when Kendall awoke the next morning. He squinted and looked at the time his alarm hadn't one off and Carlos had forgotten to wake him. He bolted up out of bed and dressed quickly in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, throwing on a pair of vans and a baseball cap over his messy hair. He raced down the stairs. "Carlos, what's the deal? I told you to wake me up!"He stopped on the last step, seeing James and Carlos sitting on the couch, their faces pale and already weary. "What's going on? Where's Logan?"

Carlos and James exchanged a look. "He didn't come home last night." James rose to his feet and stood up, walking over to Kendall.

Kendall looked over at Carlos, then back at James. "So? He probably stayed out with with Tiffani. Call him and tell him to meet us at the studio."

"We tried." James sighed. "It kept going to voicemail..." And then he trailed off and turned to look at Carlos. Carlos bit his lip and Kendall's brow wrinkled.

"What, James? What are you not telling me?"

"Kendall, we found Logan's jacket on our doorstep this morning." Carlos spoke up, rising to his feet and standing beside James. Kendall wanted to reach out and steady him; he could practically see his friend swaying on his feet.

"So what?" Kendall managed a nervous laugh. "He must've come home drunk and dropped it. Lost his cell phone. He's probably all hung over and on his way to the set."

James and Carlos exchanged another look and Kendall wanted to strangle them. He wanted to scream at them to just tell him.

"His jacket was ripped." James said slowly, wringing his hands anxiously. "There was what looked like a blood stain on it."

Kendall didn't speak at first. He stood there in shock, trying to take it all in. "No," he shook his head, walking away from the two and pacing across the room. "Did you call the police? Maybe he's pranking us. If something happened to him why would his jacket be on OUR doorstep?"

"We're waiting on them now. We didn't move the jacket." James told him. "Why would Logan do something like that? Finding a bloodstained jacket isn't exactly funny."

"I don't know," Kendall muttered. At the moment he was just refusing to consider the alternatives. His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, which James rushed off to answer. Kendall whipped around, following his friend to the door.

A tall, thin man with a red beard and mustache introduced himself as Officer Falco as he stepped inside the house, greeting all of them somberly. A short, plump woman with a long blonde ponytail followed shortly behind. "I'm Officer Foster. Why don't all of you tell us what's going on?"

They wasted no time rounding the guys up and sitting them down. They listened intently as James and Carlos told them about that morning. Kendall recounted everything he could remember from the last time he saw Logan and then the officers went to collect the jacket as evidence, taking pictures before sealing it away.

Though Kendall didn't want to, he found himself standing at the front door and staring at the bloodstained jacket. It wasn't a lot of blood but certainly enough that he knew this was no joke. Logan was out there somewhere, injured.


	6. Chapter 6

"Kendall." A soft voice broke the silence that Kendall had been sitting in for hours. He'd lost count of just how long he'd been sitting in Logan's room in the dark. He sat on the floor, his back leaning against the bed Logan slept on every night. Kendall looked up to see Carlos' face through the darkness of the room. He wanted to be alone. "Any news?" he asked hopefully.

Carlos shook his head sadly, easing to the floor to sit beside Kendall. "No news. The police collected a few of Logan's things for DNA...they're going to try to match it to the bloodstain just to make sure it's really his."

"I hope to God it's not." Kendall whispered, though he knew the chances of that were extremely slim. There was no reason for Logan to have had someone else's blood on his jacket.

Carlos bolted upright from where he had been slumped against the bed. "What if Tiffani got hurt somehow on their date?" he suggested.

Kendall's eyes went wide suddenly. Tiffani. Logan had been out with Tiffany the night before. Maybe his gut feeling that something was off about her had been right, though the idea that Tiffani could have done something to Logan was pretty laughable. Still, he got to his feet quickly. "JAMES!" he called out.

Within seconds the tall brunette was at the door, rushing into the room. "What is it?" He looked wide-eyed and hopeful, as if maybe one of them had discovered Logan hiding under the bed or something that simple.

Kendall ran a hand through his already messy hair. "What if Tiffani did something to him?"

James laughed, looking away briefly from Kendall. "Have you seen her? She's like 5 feet tall and 100 lbs. soaking wet. I know Logan's small but he's strong as hell. There's no way she could overpower him."

Carlos got to his feet slowly and both the other boys could see the wheels turning in his head. "She could if he were hurt", he mused, scratching the back of his neck. "She could have caught him off guard, hit him with something maybe. Or maybe she had help."

The idea of someone manhandling Logan made Kendall sick to his stomach and he rubbed it absently, willing the waves of nausea to settle."Why would she want to hurt him?"

James sighed and shrugged dejectedly. "Why does anyone hurt another person? It just doesn't make any sense." He sank down onto the edge of Logan's bed as his phone started to ring in his pocket. Quickly he grabbed it, sliding the touch screen and pressing it to his ear. "Hello?" He listened silently for a minute, panic sweeping his expression. He swallowed hard, thanked the person on the phone and hung up. For a minute he didn't look at the other two. "It's definitely Logan's blood." He said quietly. "They're now treating this as a possible homicide."

Though he hadn't eaten all day Kendall felt his stomach turn and rushed into the bathroom, dropping to his knees where he dry-heaved. His body shook with the effort and he continued dry-heaving until his stomach muscles were sore. He collapsed back against the wall, panting. Logan could be dead. Until he'd heard the word homicide that thought had not even occurred to him.

Back in Logan's bedroom James and Carlos stared at each other helplessly. They weren't sure if they should go to Kendall or let him be. The truth was neither of them was feeling so great either. Carlos just kept thinking this couldn't be real that he would wake up from this horrible dream soon. He leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. James reached over, patting his back comfortingly, though he wished he had someone to comfort him at the moment.

Kendall finally emerged from the bathroom on shaky legs, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and not really caring how disgusting it was. "Does his mother know?" he asked weakly.

James shook his head. "We can't get in touch with her I know Logan said she was going on vacation this week." He couldn't imagine what it would be like for her to find out her son was probably dead.

"I don't care what the police say," Kendall spoke up, teeth clenching as he leaned against a wall for support. "I won t believe he's dead. I don t care what they find, I'll always hold out that hope that he's alive."

"Me too," Carlos said softly, his voice muffled by his hands. He felt that if he lifted his head he might just pass out.

"Me three," James said after a moment s hesitation. He knew it wasn't logical but his heart didn't care. His heart told him Logan had to be out there somewhere.

* * *

><p>When he opened his eyes he expected the sun to be shining in through his curtains, but he was met with darkness. Frowning, Logan lifted his head off the pillow and groaned, quickly lying back down. His head hurt and at first he wasn't sure why. He looked around the small, unfamiliar room and frowned. This wasn't his bedroom and he had no idea how he got here.<p>

Sucking in a deep breath he sat up again, slowly this time and leaned back against the wall, taking in the small space. There was a bare mattress in one corner against the wall, which he was currently sitting on. The hardwood floors were dirty and he thought he could make out a few drops of blood which he quickly realized was probably his own. His shirt was splattered with blood and there was some dried on the pillow. He reached up and gingerly touched his head and found the reason for his headache. He wished he had a mirror but from what he could tell it was just an open gash and didn't feel too deep. He took in a few slow breaths, the dizziness easing up which he was thankful for. He needed to access the situation and figure out not only where he was, but how to get out of there.

He scooted down so his feet touched the floor and rose slowly, chewing on his lower lip. His head didn't throb too much. There were no windows in the room, just a heavy door. He hesitated then walked over to it, trying the knob. It was locked of course. There wasn't much else in the room, just a single wooden chair and a bucket in the corner opposite the mattress. Logan swallowed hard, guessing he knew just what that bucket was for. He looked away in disgust. He'd have to be pretty desperate to use it. There was nothing in the room to help him identify where he was. He could be anywhere, he knew. He had no idea how long he d been there either.

Sinking back onto the mattress, he wondered if his friends were starting to worry. Was it still the middle of the night? Maybe they had no idea he was even gone. He hoped that was the case. If he could just get back before anyone started to worry...

The door creaked open. "Logie!" There stood Tiffani, looking perfectly pleasant despite the circumstances. "So nice to see you awake. You've been sleeping for like 12 hours."

Logan frowned. 12 hours? He was supposed to be on set. Everyone must be so mad at him, thinking he was blowing off his responsibilities. "Okay Tiffani, you proved your point. I belong to you, I got it. We'll get back together if you just let me go." He rubbed his temples, trying to think. The night before on their date a completely new side of Tiffani had come out. Her possessiveness had increased by 100%. She'd actually gone so far as to slap his face when he dared to be friendly to the waitress, accusing him of flirting the minute she was out of earshot. Right then and there he'd broken it off with her. She seemed to take it well, though he'd seen the momentarily stunned look in her eyes. She did however insist that they go back to her place to talk things out and he supposed that had been his fatal flaw. He'd had no way of knowing the things she was capable of.

His memory of the previous night was a little fuzzy. He remembered going back to her house and sort of lingering near the couch, not really wanting to sit down. He didn't want an awkward talk about why he was breaking things off; he just wanted to be done with her. Kendall had been right about her, he'd realized. But she persisted so he finally sat down. He remembered her saying that he couldn't leave her, they were so good together. He remembered being firm with her that they were over. After that he remembered nothing.

Tiffani laughed now, moving closer to the mattress where Logan sat. "Do you think I'm that stupid? I let you go and you're going to run to the police. I'll go to jail and never see you again." She sat down next to him, running her fingers through his spiky dark hair. "I can't stand the thought of not being with you, Logie. I had no other choice."

"So you thought you could just kidnap me?" Logan cried in disbelief, jumping to stand, needing to be away from her. What were you thinking? How did you get away with this?"

Tiffani shrugged, standing too. "I knocked you out. You're not so tough when you re unconscious," she giggled. "I dragged you into the garage, put you in my trunk. Drove you out to my family's vacation home". She flexed an arm. "I'm stronger than I look and you're a lightweight."

Logan looked disgusted at her description of the previous night's events. "My friends and family are going to notice I'm missing and come after me you know."

Tiffani held up a finger and shook it. "Not likely. They think you're dead."

Logan's face paled. "Why would they think that?" He asked shakily.

"I left them a present," Tiffani said casually, sliding her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "In the form of your bloodstained leather jacket on their doorstep".

"Oh my God," Logan muttered, briefly closing his eyes. He could only imagine how shaken up the other guys and his family must be, finding something like that. He concentrated very hard on trying to send them a mental message, futile as that might be. _'I'm alive you guys. Don't give up on me.'_ He eyed the door and then Tiffani. He should easily be able to overpower her and break free.

Her eyes narrowed as she followed his gaze. "Don't even think about it," she spat, removing a gun from the waistband of her jeans. "I happen to have a VERY good aim and I won't think twice about using it." She pointed the gun at Logan and he sucked in a breath of air. He had to stay calm and think. If only Kendall or James were here. They would know what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Time went by and days began to feel like months. It felt like Logan had been gone for much longer than he really had been. Filming of Big Time Rush had been suspended none of the guys could even fathom going to set and trying to do the show without Logan. Fortunately Nickelodeon felt the same way so there was no pressure on them to pretend everything was okay.

Logan's family finally was told of the news and his parents flew in so they could be closer to the investigation. Nobody wanted to give up hope but with each passing day it began to look more and more grim. The police were looking into Tiffani as a suspect but so far had not been able to trace anything back to her. She had not missed a day of work and there was no physical evidence to tie her to the case. When the police questioned her she stayed calm as a cucumber, displaying no signs that she did indeed have Logan in a dark stuffy room at her parent s vacation home.

As the days wore on the worry began to take its toll on the boys. Carlos was no longer his happy-go-lucky self and seldom smiled. James had dark circles under his eyes due to lack of sleep and Kendall seemed to be sinking into a depression. Carlos and James were starting to become afraid that they were losing him too and tried hard to keep him from sinking too far but it seemed to be a losing battle. He rarely left Logan's room except to eat or shower and even those things were next to impossible to get him to do. James doubted Kendall was getting much more sleep than he was, if any at all. Every time Carlos or James went to check on him he just lay in Logan's bed, staring up at the ceiling or out the window. He was getting thinner than usual. When they did manage to get him to eat it was only a few bites before he pushed his plate away, saying he was full.

James and Carlos understood. It was hard to get up and get dressed every morning, not knowing what happened to Logan. But someone had to. They too could barely stand to eat, with that constant feeling of dread in their stomach. It was like they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to get that phone call that Logan's body had been discovered. But James forced himself to function each day and Carlos did the same. Neither man blamed Kendall for not being able to do so. As close as they all were, none were as close to Logan as Kendall was. Kendall, who always put on a brave face as their undefined leader, deserved to have a moment of weakness.

The days stretched into a week, and then two. Logan lost track of time completely as he stayed confined to that dark room. Tiffani had taken to handcuffing him to a pipe in the corner of the room at gunpoint whenever she visited him or left the house, she feared so much that he would attempt to escape. His arms ached from being in the same position for so many hours at a time, but other than his injury the night she kidnapped him he remained unharmed. She seemed to be very invested in keeping him alive, bringing him decent meals three times a day and leaving a pitcher of water for him at all times.

"Good morning Logan." Tiffani's cheerful voice rang out as she stepped into the room, closing the door tightly behind her. The gun was already in hand, pointing right at him as she bridged the gap between them and sat down. She pressed the gun to his temple and used her free hand to handcuff him, one hand at a time.

"You're not going to get away with this. You've gotta let me go sometime.' Logan huffed.

Tiffani just smiled and shook her dark hair. "No I don't. It seems to be working out pretty well for me, don't you think?" She pushed the gun into his temple so hard he winced. "I hope you aren't thinking about trying anything funny. I don't want to kill you, but I don't mind killing _them_."

Logan's eyes went wide. "Don't you dare even THINK about hurting my friends!"

She laughed at that. "That's the way to get to you, isn't it? Through them? You're too attached to them, you know. Especially that Kendall," she said with a look of disgust. "You listen to everything they say. I heard them talking about how they didn't like me." She frowned, her expression thoughtful. "That's why I had to step in, try to get in between you guys."

Logan's forehead wrinkled. "Step in?" He asked in confusion.

"Did you really believe that Carlos wrecked your shirt?" She asked innocently.

Logan's jaw twitched. "That was YOU?"

Her shoulders shook with laughter. "That was pretty funny. You were really pissed at him." She brushed a hand slowly down Logan's cheek. "I have my ways, Logie. I've just proven I can get in your house whenever I want without you ever knowing about it."

"Don't you hurt them." Logan growled, glaring at her. "I mean it."

"Oh but I already have." She kept the gun to his forehead, leaning in and whispering in his ear. "I wish you could see how pathetic they are. Carlos looks like he s going to burst into tears all the time. James looks like shit. And Kendall..." she trailed off, cocking her head to the side.

Logan straightened up a little. "What about Kendall? Maybe I should allow you to see," Tiffani smirked. She got up and walked out of the room, gun still clutched tightly in hand. A minute later she reappeared with a laptop, which she set within viewing range of Logan. She sat down on the floor and reached forward, using the mouse to pull up a split screen with three small web cam images. Logan's eyes widened as he realized he was looking at Carlos, Kendall and James.

"You...what the hell are you doing with this? How did you get cameras in the house?" Logan cried out, struggling against his handcuffs to no avail.

Tiffani just shrugged, looking very pleased with herself. "None of your business. Now watch."She demanded.

Logan couldn't have torn his eyes away even if he'd wanted to. His eyes first went to Carlos, who sat on the floor in his bedroom looking through pictures. Every so often he'd crack a smile but even through the small camera Logan could see his sadness.

His eyes wandered to the next screen, where James sat stiffly in the desk chair in his room, speaking to someone on the phone. Logan couldn't hear the conversation but James looked so grave as he spoke, nodding every so often.

Next was Kendall. It took Logan a moment to realize that he was looking at his own bedroom. "Why is Kendall in my room?" he questioned out loud, eyes trailing to the blonde laying in his bed. Kendall's green eyes were open and staring into space but not really seeing. It scared Logan how blank his expression was. Then Kendall sucked in a shuddering breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he reopened them there were tears spilling over and making their way down his cheeks. He made no move to brush them away.

More than anything that hurt Logan's heart. Kendall didn't cry. So for him to be crying now he had to be really hurting. Logan closed his eyes and turned away. When he finally opened them again Tiffani looked quite proud of herself.

"Hmm. Kendall, huh?" Tiffani smirked, shaking her head. "So Kendall is the way to get to you. Isn't he?" She stared Logan down but he wouldn't look her in the eye. "Hopefully I have your attention now. Don't try anything funny or they'll get it. Kendall first. Even if you manage to kill me, I have an accomplice that won't hesitate to off them all." She tapped the screen and closed the laptop. Logan slumped against the wall in defeat. Maybe he would think of a way out, but right now he had nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

"We have to talk, man." Even though Kendall was laying facing the wall he knew it was James voice speaking to him. He didn't turn around. He didn't want to talk or see anyone.

James sighed when he got no response. Kendall felt the bed dip and knew James had sat down next to the spot where he lay. He felt James hand on his shoulder and shrugged it off, curling up. He wanted to just not exist anymore. It would be better than this constant pain he felt, wondering if Logan was alive or dead. If he was alive was he alright, or was he lying in a pool of blood somewhere unconscious? Kendall didn't know which to hope for. If Logan was dead at least nobody could be hurting him anymore. He swallowed hard, chest tightening.

"I know this is hard for you." James spoke up. "It's hard on all of us, but I know it's harder for you."

Did Carlos tell James? Kendall wondered. He decided he didn't care if James did know. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. He said nothing in response, just continued to stare at the wall.

To James credit he didn't give up. "Logan wouldn't want you to do this. You think he'd want you to stop living?" James asked him quietly.

"I need time, James." Kendall said finally, rolling to face his friend. James bit his lower lip when he looked at Kendall. The circles under his eyes were deeper and darker than the ones under James eyes. He hadn't bothered to shave so two weeks worth of stubble dotted his face. He looked exhausted and James reached out to hug him tightly despite Kendall's protests.

"Take all the time you need. Carlos and I will be here for you." He told him before pulling back, standing up and walking out of the room.

Kendall watched him go and then turned to face the wall once more. His eyelids were heavy. It had been a long time since he'd last slept. He hated sleeping because the nightmares were worse than being awake. He always saw Logan in his dreams and it was too much to wake up and realize that it wasn't real. Still, he could fight sleep no longer. Slowly his eyes drifted closed, his body going limp and giving way to sleep.

"Kindle."

"I thought I told you not to call me that anymore," Kendall mumbled sleepily, rubbing his still-closed eyes.

"I'll call you Kindle whenever I want to."

The bed dipped and Kendall felt a hand on his back. He didn't want to open his eyes. When he opened them Logan wouldn't be there. He didn't want to go back to that, but someone was shaking him. "Kindle."

With a whine of displeasure Kendall rolled over, opening his eyes reluctantly. What he saw made his breath catch in his throat.

"Oh my God, Logan!" His voice broke and he sat up, taking the smaller man into his arms and hugging him tightly. When he pulled away there were tears in his eyes and he saw that there were tears in Logan's eyes too. He studied his friend, noticing the fresh scar on his forehead, but a quick overview told him that Logan was unharmed. "How...I don't..."

"They found me in the middle of the night. They followed Tiffani back to where she was holding me and caught her. I saw my mother, got checked out at the hospital and came home to you as quick as I could." He swallowed hard, realizing what he had said.

_'I came home to you.'_ The words were not lost on Kendall. He wiped roughly at the tears on his cheek, his heart thudding in his chest. "I was scared." He admitted. "I thought you were dead. Are you hurt at all?"

Logan shook his head quickly. "This healed up a while ago," he said pointing to his forehead. "My wrists are a little sore from being handcuffed, but I promise you I'm okay. You, on the other hand..." he said doubtfully.

"I'm fine. At least I will be now." Kendall assured him. "God, I can t believe you're really here and you're safe."

Logan glanced down at the bed, then back up at Kendall. "I'm sorry for not listening to you. Your heart was in the right place, and I should learn to trust your judgement. I know now you were just looking out for me. So thank you."

"It doesn't matter Logan. All that matters is I have you back." Kendall shook his head, still staring at Logan as if he were seeing a ghost.

Logan looked back at him and hesitated for a moment before leaning in and bridging the gap between them, pressing his lips to Kendall's. Kendall's fingers found Logan's shirt and held tight, afraid that if he let go Logan would disappear again. "With you is where I belonged all along," Logan whispered into Kendall s ear. Kendall let out a shaky breath. It was all going to be alright now.

**Author's note: That's it everyone! I hope you all enjoyed my first BTR fanfic. Thanks to all who reviewed this story. Hopefully there will be more fics coming soon.**


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